One of the wonderful things that I have discovered through the nearly eight weeks and 40 posts of the life of this blog is that writing has been very therapeutic for me. What would have once been very difficult to write out and share with the world as a whole, is now much easier. There is no way I would have posted my previous blog on panties when I started. It is amazing to me that just a few weeks into this, I’m more than comfortable sharing it here. Granted, the anonymity does help. None of you readers actually know who I am, so there is a veil there that allows me to be a bit more free than I might otherwise. If I felt there was a chance that someone I knew could see this, I would probably feel differently.
Then again, maybe not. This has really freed me to a degree that I would not have thought possible, especially in such a relatively short time frame. I feel as if my attitude and view on life is shifting rapidly. My mood has become more upbeat and I’m feeling a little more confident than I used to. Perhaps I have some of that “big dick energy” going on that I’ve seen mentioned on Twitter. Nah, just kidding. I thought that term was hilarious, so I had to sneak in somewhere. Oh, the entrendres that could come from that. Or is that cum? Okay, I’m stopping with that now.
The other thing I have noticed is that it is easier to get words and ideas out. I don’t necessarily have any set goals as far as post length goes, but 1000 words sticks in my head as a good target. As my blog has progressed, it is easier to reach that mark than it was when I was first starting out. I would struggle to reach 500 to the point where things weren’t making much sense. Granted, they may not be making sense at this point, but that’s okay. When I do get stuck trying to craft a sentence, the breakthrough comes sooner than before. I know that will not always be the case. Writer’s block is a real thing and does come up from time to time. The last story I wrote I experienced some of that. So, it was a couple of days before I came out with the finished product. That’s part of the process, though.
Going back to confidence, I am seeing an improvement in how I face issues. Work has become a little easier and I’m a bit more outgoing. I would not call myself and extrovert, but I’m speaking up in meetings and asking more questions than I did previously. I can’t point to a direct correlation between my writing and the boost in confidence, but it is there.
One thing that I am working towards is applying more of my real self into my everyday life. I’ve been able to be a bit freer on Twitter as well. My avatar is of myself, and if anyone did much digging, then they would easily figure out who I really am. Yes, I’ve posted some embarrassing and inappropriate things up there, but that’s okay. I even responded to one post with a shot of my bare ass. I know I should be more careful, but that was purely impulse. Anyway, I am a bit of an exhibitionist and quite honestly, I think we need a greater acceptance of nudity in our culture anyway.
Not to go on a tangent, but I find it baffling that at least here in the US, violence is much more accepted than nudity. I’m not even talking graphic nudity, but a casual butt or exposed breast. The uproar that still occurs in regards to public breastfeeding just confuses me to no end. The breast is being used for its natural function and people lose their shit. The vast majority of the time, everything is covered up and discreet. Hell, even if it wasn’t, it still shouldn’t be a big deal. Everyone has to eat.
Meanwhile, people getting decapitated or gutted is perfectly acceptable for PG-13 movies, while discussions over sex or a flash of nudity throw it to a more restrictive rating. I think that we have our priorities backward. I suppose I could understand it a little better if both violence and sex were treated the same, but they are not.
Okay, that was a complete digression onto an unrelated topic. Writing is becoming a powerful tool for me. I hope that I am able to keep this blog going. I think I mentioned in one of my first posts that I have had blogs before, but they would fizzle out a little ways in. I still am concerned about that with this one, especially with the frequency that I am putting out posts. I think I need to remember that if I do have a lull at some point, that’s okay and it isn’t a reason to scrap everything and walk away. I can come back and pick up where I left off.
I don’t ever want to feel like this blog is a chore that I must complete. I already have enough of that in my life, like work, for example. This should be fun and provide myself and others some amusement. I know that not everything I write will be great or funny or uplifting. Goodness knows that I still carry around plenty of self loathing and depressive feelings and those will make appearances from time to time. The goal is for that to happen less frequently.
I want to carry this new confidence forward and have it apply across all aspects of my life. I want to be able to break free and do something new with my life. I would love it if I could monetize my writing in some form. I’ve also wondered what it would be like to get into the sex industry in some capacity (more to come on that in another post). I’ve been in the IT world for nearly 20 years and I’m getting an itch to do something different. We will see if that happens, or if merely expanding my field of interests is enough.
Anyway, I’ve rolled past the 1000 word mark once again, so mission accomplished! I will sign off for now, and thanks as always for reading. I will see you later.