Peace. What a word and what a concept. It is one of those words that can have multiple connotations, like “World Peace” or “Peace and quiet” or “inner peace.” Take your pick. I think for me what I’m struggling with is inner peace and my hope that if I ever achieve that, it will lead to peace and quiet. As for world peace, not to be pessimistic or anything, but that may just be a lost cause.
The goal of this post is not to talk about world peace. I would never get another post out. No, this post is focusing more on the inner peace and peace and quiet side of things. I tend to find myself being overstimulated by the world around me. Some of that is just because of the nature of the world today, and some of it is because I’m easily distracted when I’m trying to concentrate on things that should have my concentration.
I have been thinking a lot lately about those distractions and how I can shut them out. One of the biggest I have found for me is social media. Between Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, Instagram, and who knows what else, it is effortless to get lost and swept away in that bullshit that floats around out there.
My phone usage is also a point of contention between my SO and I. I have gotten better, but I still find myself with my nose in my phone looking through the latest on social media while sitting on the couch in the evenings after work. She’ll kind of give me a side-eyed glance every now and then, so I work hard at leaving my phone alone and only checking periodically. It isn’t that I NEED to have my thumb on the pulse of the world, it is much more of a fidgeting thing.
I am trying to cut back on my social media. Each app seems to have its own place in my little world. Instagram is for pictures I’m not afraid to show in public and for chatting with a dear friend, Twitter is for being a bit of a pain in the ass, Tumblr is for porn, Reddit is for looking at pictures of cats, and Facebook is for keeping up with old friends. At least that is my reasoning behind it all.
The more I think about peace, though, the less of a role those things play in them. In fact, they are the antithesis of peace. They are all noise. Lots and lots of extraneous, pointless noise. That is why I made a choice earlier this week to kill my Facebook account at the end of this month. It was becoming a cesspool of political and other nonsensical posts. So much anger and hate and so little care and consideration for others. That’s not to say that those things don’t exist on other platforms. They certainly do. I guess I’m less bothered by them there because they aren’t by people I actually know.
The one thing holding me back from killing Facebook up until now was the fact that I manage a page of a charitable organization of which I’m a member. I’ve decided that my sanity and desire for peace is stronger than hanging on to an account on a platform I don’t want to be on anymore. I will create an account just to manage that page and will lock it down so no one can see it.
I will probably hang onto the other platforms for now. Twitter or Reddit would probably be the next to go, though, if I decided to get rid of more. I do want to hang onto this blog, though. The nice thing is that it is anonymous so I can spill all my dirty secrets, and no one knows it is me.
Another source of peace has been the fact that I have not heard from my extortioner in about a month. I told her to fuck off after yet another request. Okay, so I did not use those exact words. I was measured and firm, and I told myself that if she contacted me again, I was headed to the police to file a report. I did not want to give her anything she could use against me. Fortunately, I have not had to do that, and I really hope that I won’t in the future, either.
My current living situation is another area where I could do with some more peace. It all feels so stressful right now. I am looking forward to next week where she will be going out of town for 5 or 6 days, then I’m off on vacation a couple of weeks after that. I think the time apart will do us both some good and give us time to reflect. I have a feeling though that these feelings are one-sided. While she isn’t super content or happy, I don’t think she is drastically unhappy. Maybe this time away from each other will be a revelation, and something will change. Or perhaps it won’t. Either way, I think I would have to be the agent of change.
I think that is it for today. Work kind of got in the way of some of my thoughts, but that’s ok. I am paid to work and not to write. Maybe some day I will be paid to write. For now, though, I wish you all peace.